i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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