Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
