I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
