dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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