He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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