we have pet lesbian snakes
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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