I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
