Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
