so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
