he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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