Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
