thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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