yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
