would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
