Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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