so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
