She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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