Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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