i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
