A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
