You're completely useless in the revolution.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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