Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
