FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
