I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
