it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
