I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he fucked my hip out of place.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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