Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
