we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
