That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
