i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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