I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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