I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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