plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
