did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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