my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
