Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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