I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
