After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
