I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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