He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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