D3 body, D1 cock
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
that may or may not have been my penis.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
