I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
