I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
