I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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