P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
