A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
