just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
