he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There are leaves in my underwear?
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