Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
