ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
