Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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