Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
