i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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