I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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