so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
