I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
