does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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