Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
