i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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