Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
