Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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