you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
