I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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